Jamie spent quite a few more minutes looking carefully at the titles that lined the lilac painted wooden shelves. “I must admit, this is all a bit surprising to me,” Jamie said with a touch of embarrassment. “I guess I just never thought that there would be a whole cottage industry catering to lesbians like this. Do you think it’s necessary, Ryan?” she asked thoughtfully.
Ryan seemed to consider her question for a moment. She gazed at her carefully as she replied, “Yes, Jamie, I really do. When you think about it, gay people are the only minority group that doesn’t share their minority status with their parents. When people come out, many of them are overwhelmed by the experience. Even if their parents are supportive, they don’t know how to help. Places like this can be a lifesaver for people who are really struggling. I know it was for me,” she said somberly.
“I can see that it would really help someone who was sure of their preferences,” Jamie stated after a moment. “But what about girls who are just confused? Don’t you think this could push them into a place that they don’t really belong?” she asked with a look of concern on her face.
“I know you don’t know all of the lingo but gay people really prefer to have their sexuality be considered an orientation rather than a preference, Jamie,” she said clearly.
“I’m sorry,” she said quickly. “What did I say?”
“You referred to someone being sure of their preferences,” Ryan explained. “It’s not a real big deal but it’s not a preference for me.”
“Okaaay,” she said slowly, drawing the word out while she considered this. “I don’t really see the difference…”
“Okay,” Ryan said quickly. “I assume you consider yourself heterosexual, right?”
“Well, yeah,” she laughed. “So does Jack,” she added with a grin.
“But if you broke up would you accept a date from a woman?”
“Uhh…”Jamie found herself absolutely dumbstruck at this question. She seemed to have lost her ability to speak but Ryan replied for her.
“I take it that’s a ‘no’,” she said helpfully. “I think sexuality is like that for many if not most people. You focus on one gender for your sexual attraction. You don’t look at the whole human race and decide which one you slightly prefer, Jamie. Your orientation leads you to only look at men as sexual partners, right?” she asked quietly.
“Uhh… right!” she finally said, as a deep blush covered her face and neck. “Right!” she said again for emphasis.
“Please don’t be embarrassed, Jamie,” she said gently. “You’re not offending me at all.” She smiled sweetly and maintained eye contact as she continued. “That’s how it is for me too,” Ryan advised. “I don’t ‘prefer’ women. The thought of being with a man sexually has as much pull for me as being with my dog. And that’s not a put down of dogs or men,” she added with a laugh. “It’s just something so outside of my orientation that both of those options seem equally far-fetched to me.”
“Okay,” Jamie said slowly. “I think I get your point. And I can see why having it called a preference could be offensive.”
“Sorry if that seemed like a lecture,” Ryan said. “But I figure that you want to understand this stuff or you wouldn’t have taken the class.”
“Absolutely!” she agreed. “Now do you remember the rest of my question?”
“Verbatim,” she said with a waggling eyebrow. “I don’t think a place like this can push someone into a life that wasn’t right for them, Jamie. The purpose of this type of place is not to recruit. It’s to help people figure out their true orientation and learn to be comfortable with it.”
“But,” Jamie interrupted, “what about all the girls and women who are just dabbling in lesbianism? It sure is popular now to have ‘done it’ with a woman.”
“I doubt that those women will eventually consider themselves lesbians,” Ryan replied. I think for many of them it is a rite of passage, kind of like getting a tattoo or a piercing. In the long run though, that might be a good thing… it might remove some of the stigma from being gay if more people had some experience with the act.”
“I guess you could be right, but how do you think it will affect those women who are just playing around in the long run?” Jamie persisted.
“You’re kind of making it sound like the Scarlet Letter, Jamie,” she said with a tiny frown. “For many women having sex is just that… sex. It’s no big psychological incident for most women if they’re just playing around. They know they’re just experimenting. I think the women who have a harder time are the true lesbians. For many of them having sex with a woman finally confirms their feelings. Then they have to deal with all of the fallout from that realization. And that’s where this place comes in.”
“I guess I see your point, but this is a lot to absorb. It’s kind of like visiting another culture. It takes time to get acclimated,” she reasoned.
“Maybe some coffee would help,” Ryan suggested with a smile. “Let me buy you one.”
from: Awakenings by SX Meagher
I truly think this is one of the best ways of explaining why being gay isn’t a preference that I’ve seen, I truly do.
The characters are talking about a coffee shop, but i also believe i could apply it to my own life, and say the same about rede ex aequo. Pity all good things come to an end… well, when it comes to rede ex aequo at least.
