a so called blog

Sometimes I just want to close it off. Sometimes I actually manage to do it. For a while. I used to be able to do it for days, weeks on end. Then it would come a day where I would crash. But that wasn’t too bad.

And now, she destroyed that. I can’t do it anymore. I feel now. And it is not good at all. I don’t like feeling this. I don’t like being out of control.

Last night I ended up staring at the mirror, looking into my eyes looking for something. I don’t know exactly what, but I know it wasn’t there anymore. It used to be, but now it’s gone. Completely gone. And then I just cried. So there I was, staring at the mirror watching the tears fall.

The truth is, I don’t even want to know anymore.

I just want that look back in my eyes. And I don’t want it to be there because of someone else, I want it to be because of myself.

Me, myself and I.

No one else can be there when I break down.

No one else can be there when I get up.

No one else is there anyway.