a so called blog

I just came to the conclusion I’m an idiot. The kind of idiot that actually thinks about something else then itself, but an idiot nonetheless.

I can’t fight who I am. I can’t fight the fact that I care. I can’t fight the fact that even when I’m pissed off and i just wanna hit you, I still care and love you.

Yes I am a fool. But guess what, I’m my own fool. I did change. I changed a lot. But deep down, I can still feel. And I don’t care anymore if the ones I love treat me like shit. I still love them. And in what comes to those I love, I’ll always be a fool.

Sometimes I just want to close it off. Sometimes I actually manage to do it. For a while. I used to be able to do it for days, weeks on end. Then it would come a day where I would crash. But that wasn’t too bad.

And now, she destroyed that. I can’t do it anymore. I feel now. And it is not good at all. I don’t like feeling this. I don’t like being out of control.

Last night I ended up staring at the mirror, looking into my eyes looking for something. I don’t know exactly what, but I know it wasn’t there anymore. It used to be, but now it’s gone. Completely gone. And then I just cried. So there I was, staring at the mirror watching the tears fall.

The truth is, I don’t even want to know anymore.

I just want that look back in my eyes. And I don’t want it to be there because of someone else, I want it to be because of myself.

Me, myself and I.

No one else can be there when I break down.

No one else can be there when I get up.

No one else is there anyway.

Para ver, para dar
Para estar, para ter
Para ir, pra ouvir
Pra sorrir e entrar
Para rir, pra voltar
A tentar, pra sentir
E mudar, pra voltar
A cair, para me levantar
Para nunca mais tentar mentir.

Pra crescer, para amar
Para ser o lugar
Pra viver e gostar
De gostar de viver
Pra fugir, pra mostrar
Pra dizer, pra ter paz pra dormir,
Pra fingir, acordar
Para ser, derramar
Para nunca mais tentar mentir.